All Things Deep and Mysterious

I smoke a cigar in my living room in Portland. It's been awhile. As a matter of fact, the cigar shop here only sells $2 to $5 brands of Diego & Garcia and Dutch Masters. The shop clerk's never heard of Macanudos, Davidoff, Romeo & Julieta, which can range in price from $8 to over $25.  I didn't know I was spoiled. But it makes sense that in this blue-collar city, where people are heavy drinkers, smokers and/or drugs users they stick to brands they can afford.

I started smoking in Florida after my divorce. It relaxed me. 

Now, as I exhale the smoke of my $2.99 Diego & Garcia corona, I remember midnights in Miami when I sat on my lawn chair out front, smoking and watching dark blue neon skies and a few stationary stars while feeling relaxed and completely buzzed. The kids were asleep.  My work for the day was done. I wasn't looking forward to another day of working two jobs, cooking, cleaning, running the kids around town, etc.

It was Grace who taught me how to cut, hold, inhale and exhale. She was sophisticated in ways I could only dream about.  When we met, I had been in bed for over two weeks, reeling from a bad divorce that seemed to have no end in sight. Then, Grace came into my life. Grace, with her Cuban and Middle Eastern ancestry, was fierce and sophisticated.  She had wild, long, dark hair, brown eyes, and an androgynous since of style: dark Italian wool pantsuits, white tailored men shirts, black pumps and a leather messenger bag she used as a purse.

She had always lived among men, First, growing up with 4 brothers. Then, running an exclusive male cigar club in Washington, D.C. where she lit up with the likes of President Clinton and his attorney, Vernon Jordan.

She made sure that my lessons in prepping and handling cigars were processed before they were executed: cut clean flat opening in head of cigar. Light foot, puffing and turning all sides towards flame. Blow on foot to confirm ashy/red embers, a sign stogie is fully lit. Hold loosely beneath band and in between middle and index finger. Inhale. Stop.  Hold smoke until aroma reaches roof of mouth and all five senses.  Exhale slowly. Meditate on the pleasures of the smoke. Enjoy the buzz!!! (And, don’t forget to appreciate the history of brand. Think about the wrapper, binders, and the origin of the tobacco leaves, the aesthetics of the band, etc.)

Exhaling is my favorite part.  I love the smell of tobacco leaves and earth.  Its bitterness leaves a tangy acidic aftertaste, a pungency of all things deep and mysterious - ocean floors, earth’s end, and wild, uninhibited sex.

I've never been able to smoke in public, always feeling pretentious about it.  But alone in my attic living room in Maine on a scorching hot summer day I indulge in my cheap cigar.