Heartbreak Waves

I left him because he did not love me.  Still, the pain comes,  goes,  or, when I am lucky,  disappears.  When it disappears, I act as if I never knew him.  I remember my old life and move through it with deep and familiar breaths.   I enjoy housework, chatting with friends, reading, and walking. When the pain comes, I hold on tightly to the steering wheel because I feel like I am going  to fall out of the car and roll over to the side of the road. Sometimes, when I am in such a state I experience a synchronicity -  a Viking or Scandinavian (he was Danish) reference on a license plate or billboard -  that breaks my fall. Then, I  imagine he still thinks about me.  When the pain goes, I am rational: it would never work:  I could never be with a man who thinks all women should be traded on the stock market.  My reasoning convinces me for the moment but  only for the moment. My moments of clear thinking are illusions.  I know the waves will return to shake,  drown, and leave me drenched; that is until the day they recede, and I will remember him only as a man I once loved.