You Win Some, You Lose Some, You Let it Go

I was in love for 12 months and in heartbreak for 9 (I went very deep and very far in my last love affair).  I am in real time once again, and I walk around a Florida woodland park with a variety of palm (coconut, royal, sabal, Everglades, silver, cabbage) and oak trees (sand, slash, longleaf, loblolly).  I don't think of him as I admire the American coot, predatory red-tailed hawks, fishing comorants, squealing boat-tail grackles, angry blue-jays, soaring turkey vultures, hard-working red-bellied woodpeckers, and whirling Little Yellow butterflies.  I stare at the stalks of southern cattails that have yet to bloom, and I think the long and hairy bear grass sways prettily at the edge of the lake.

Today, I celebrate my return:  I  eat cheese and crackers, ice cream sandwiches, fried chicken, macaroni salad, sour cream pound cake, and I drink several glasses of Coke (I normally eat only salads fruits and yogurts).  Tonight, I will sit on my balcony, smoke a Dominican cigar and look at Jupiter and Venus in the night sky.  Then, I will wish for a new adventure in love. 

It didn't work with him, but I realize that falling in love is rare.  I know now that the first man I was in unrequited love for taught me to love others (something to do with admitting that I loved him even though he never returned my love). I am now positive that I never loved my ex-husband (to this day I don't even know his favorite meal, song, etc.) This time, the man I loved taught me to love myself (I left because he insisted on humiliating me with his crushes on other women).  Even though it ended with the men I have loved, I hope that love comes for me again and again.