The Marriage List

Before I left NYC a week ago, I attended my sister's marriage ceremony.  She married a man she  met 2 months ago at a dance class.  I bought her the dress (a Neiman Marcus clearance item that cost me $150) and the bouquet.  Then, I walked her down the aisle of the criminal courthouse on Center Street in downtown (one of her attorney friends at work arranged for the judge to do her the quickie ceremony as a favor).

My sister looked beautiful. At 43 she looked 23, with her petite figure, long raven hair, and spotless  skin. Many of her co-workers couldn't believe her luck. She told me that the week leading up to the ceremony everyone wanted to share with her their stories of love gone wrong. They were all middle-aged women who had either never married, were almost married, or were unhappily married  There was a sense of envy in the office and incredulity at her marrying for the first time - and so quickly-  at 43.

I was not jealous of my sister.  I was relieved that some one else would share with me the burden of loving her.  We are very close, and it felt good that someone else would be there for her.   She was going in a new direction in her life, and I knew that we would have to cut our 1 to 2 hour conversations, which we have had every day for our entire lives, to a halt.  I didn't resent any of it. She was marrying; she wanted to have a baby right away; and I was moving to Maine.  I had already lived the life she was now starting.  As a matter of fact, it all felt very familiar to me.  I also married quickly - eloped  - at  19 with a man I didn't love (at the time of my divorce after 16 years of marriage, I didn't know his favorite color, or meal or song).  Not that she knew that she didn't love her new husband.  But, I knew. I could it see it in her eyes, which were not fully committed or thrilled or gooey with wonder. Anyway, love was not important to her.  Maybe, one day she will fall in love with him. Or, maybe, she will realize that because there is no love it is difficult to get through the times when it is most needed in a marriage. What was important to my sister now was to finally be married, settled and have a child.  She told me whoever offered her that first was going get her hand in marriage. Her husband originally offered her living together. When she refused and countered with a break-up, he proposed marriage.