NYC has always pushed me from inside to a forced excavation of
the world around me. At first, I hated and feared it. Now I’m part of it
In the past, I spent time in the city when going through
transitional stages, like the time I lived with my mother before eloping to
Mississippi, or the time I stayed with my sister before moving to Portland,
Maine. NYC was always my launching pad, the “get ready for the new stage in
your life,” kind of place. Still, the city scared me, so I never stayed too long. Really,
I didn’t believe I belonged there. In NYC, my imagination was overcharged and raw, and I never knew how to flow with its purpose, intention
and inspiration. Still, when things were changing, I returned there - if
only for a brief moment. Now, NYC was
calling me back
Some months ago, my mother had a stroke. Subsequently, she
was put into nursing in the Upper East Side, a nice, clean place, with activities
for the elderly, field trips and wonderful caring people. At first, I resented
traveling so far to visit her, but I was determined not to leave her alone for too
long, so I made it a goal to take a bus out of Portland, Maine every two weeks
to be with her. Initially, being in the city was a drag, but then I changed my
mind-set about the place, incorporated its surprises and activities along with my visits to my mother.
On my last visit, NYC was magical. Because, I didn’t
have the money to see a play or eat a fancy dinner or buy drinks at a bar, I
did a poor man’s version of city touring: I took strolls in its most famous parks,
Prospect Park and Central Park; visited the amazing 9/11 memorial; snapped pictures
of the Empire State Building; walked along fancy Madison and Lexington Avenues;
took in the maddening pace around Wall Street; read billboard of plays on
Broadway, making mental notes of those I wanted to see later on; and sneaked
peeks at train passengers, imaging their lives.
Something shifted, New York City had become mine, and I discovered
its biggest secret: Know who you are the city will roll out its red carpet to you. This time, I was no longer the scattered, scared
visitor with no understanding of what was happening. I was a phenomenal woman taking
in the city’s smells, pace, sounds, sights and adding them to my one-of-a kind
memories. It felt special, and I felt comfortable
in my own skin, even in the rush of city life. I was no longer a stranger in town, but
instead, an honored guest at one of the world’s greatest parties. Passerbys
gave me admiring glances and men asked me out on dates. Every night, I cheered
my day’s adventures with a glass of red wine.
It hasn’t been easy arriving at place I know how to be,
feel, think, regardless of where I am or who I'm with.
I’ve had to survive and thrive after a rocky childhood, divorce, dating, breakups,
raising children, starting again, and reinventing myself. But, I’ve decided to live
a phenomenal life anyway and being in NYC this last time, celebrated that conviction.
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