Thanks for Stopping By, Venus!

Recently, the goddess Venus made an appearance in my life, and I thought her lessons would be easy to process; she is by definition the goddess of love, beauty and sex. How difficult could she be? Yet, she was tricky, like all the goddesses I've worshiped over the last several years.


My view on goddess worship started with a search for higher meaning as a way of combining spirituality with self-growth, which I never experienced in my Catholic upbringing. The liturgy and sermons were too lofty, even though at times inspiring, yet there was never an unforgettable message, haunting myth, or magical and mysterious pull to wonders of the unknown; that is until I ran into the goddesses.


Several years ago my friend asked I bring my favorite goddess to her party, where we would sit in a circle, light a candle and share our wishes. Not knowing much about goddesses, Inana came to mind because I read something about her on the computer that week.  In the circle, I wished for love and romance, which I had not had in years. Several weeks later, I met a man who pulled me out of a haze of exhaustion and sadness after a difficult divorce. We had a romance in Amsterdam, where he showered me with chocolates and jewelry. Our affair lasted two years. More importantly, he allowed me to see and wrestle with issues of insecurity about love, relationships, and sex I thought buried and forgotten.  When I read the myth of Inana, several months after our relationship was over, I learned she traveled to Hades to wrestle her evil twin sister who killed her in scuffle. It was Dumuzi, her lover, who cut a deal to trade places so she could return to rule the earth.  Here was a myth that implied similarities to my recent lover affair:  Great love allowed me to see, face and wrestle my darkest demons all while holding a loving and lighted mirror to my soul.  I was on my way to transformation and hooked on goddess worship, so they continued arriving


Hathor taught me conscious awareness and simultaneous involvement in all parts of my life because life happened in a swirl and not in the neatly-cut pieces I preferred.


Lakshmi stressed the importance of  managing money, further confirmed to me by a stranger I met in in Copenhagen, who said, "If you don't have enough of what you have it doesn't matter how much you get."


Athena insisted on structure and discipline as a means of  achieving freedom, completing projects, and pursuing dreams.


Baba Yaga allowed me to trade youth for youthfulness.


Mother Nyx exposed me to life as cycles of death, birth and rebirth, and letting go of the old in preparation for the new.


Baubo let me see my sexual nature and unique erotic brand.


When Venus appeared I thought I would be showered with experiences of love, sex, and beauty; instead, she taught me another important lesson: it is enough to know your self-worth; you must also practice it, which I learned from a man I thought I could fall in love with.


I met Marco online. He owned a brokerage firm in NYC. He considered himself a "sharp-shooter," as posted on his profile, yet he had that little boy giddiness, reflected in his messages about a love for playing strategic games of pool and travels to Vegas. When he asked me out for drinks, I was excited, but then he disappeared and never contacted me again. The sting of his rejection was sharp, but I soon forgot him.  When he returned to my profile six months later, he started the same line of conversation, and I was hooked once again. This time, I bought a new dress and shoes for our date at a bar in Manhattan, but he never followed through, and I did not care to pursue his lack of interest anymore. Five months later he returned yet again.  "Are you still playing hard to get?" I asked.  He said he'd had an accident and was in therapy for a couple of months. He said he was still interested and wanted to see me.  I didn't respond right away. I thought about his offer and even considered accepting it, but I already knew his cycles of invitations and disappearances. Did I not think myself worthy and enough for a man to follow through on his invitation for a date?  The next day I realized there was only one answer to his question: "No, thanks," I wrote. "Even before the accident your waffling bored me. I like a man who knows what he wants, especially when it concerns me. Be well..."